Whats at the end of the tunnel?

So I've decided that I have planned my future. I always say how I can't wait to get out of here. but now that I've come up with my future, It seems kind of bland. But I can't wait; And I want it to come even sooner. I've never wanted to leave more than I do right now. Alright, my planned future, and forgive me, because it's bland; But I love every single very little bit of detail it has.

I'm going to be a freelance photographer occasionally selling some of my pieces for extra money. My work will occasionally be in and out of galleries all over where ever I would be living. When I'm not taking pictures I would be working during the day or late at night at a classy restaurant as a waiter. I'd be living in a studio apartment in Chicago/LA with a roommate or two. I don't know if it will be before or after; But I'm also going to be on the Real World. There's more details to that but that's for a different time.

To me, my future seems bright. Dull... but bright. I'm up for "wiggle room" but I want my life to be remotely similar to what I have planned. Yes, I have an OCD of my future; I'm going to do what I can to get there.

“My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there”
—Charles F. Kettering

I'm someone who can say: "I can do my own laundry"

What to blog about... What to blog about.. Hmm.. alright, Well as usual, I'm just gonna start typing and then hopefully something will come to mind. I did some cleaning today. I think it's the most I've cleaned in a few months. I did around 4 loads of laundry, and now I don't know what to do. Most of the time my dirty clothes are just on the floor, but now, after doing so much laundry, I have nowhere to put my clothes. I never knew I had so many pairs of socks. Oh! something came to mind that is somewhat laundry related, but somewhat related to something completely different... Are we compatible? Yes, I know for now it has nothing to do with laundry; but I'll get to that. I know we're friends, and most of the time I wish we were something more. But I've been thinking more and more, Do you love me as much as I love you? Sometimes I wonder if were like laundry, colors and whites. Are we not to be together? I guess you can mix them, but you'll just end up with something that you can't fix most of the time. Like a pair of pink socks, or an orange blotched black tee.. I knew I would think of something. hah..

"Look, whatever you thought, don't. We're colors and whites. We don't mix."
—Steve Sandvoss (Latter Days)

"We are sharks."

It's early and it's beautiful. So I thought about blogging before I started my day, to make up for the pretty crapily thought up one last night. Every ones talking about how they have nothing to do at where ever they went for spring break. I think the only people who can be complaining are the people who haven't/aren't doing anything the whole week. I've also been seeing a lot of status post's about layover and delays; which is something that I am too familiar with.
You see, when your dad works at United, you get the chance to fly whenever, to anywhere they're flying that day. The downside is you are stand-by.. which means that the seats that aren't purchased/taken, they give to you. Hence the familiarity between me and delays and such. And that got me thinking about, how much me and my family used to travel. I'm kind of disappointed that we aren't doing anything this break. I remember that I would brag about 18 hour flights.. people would look at me and reply with:

"Nick, you're crazy, what do you do on a flight that long, in such a cramped
space?"

Well actually, We were rarely ever put into coach. I remember being envious of all of the people in the airport dressed so casually. My dad would always have my family dressed so nice, and uncomfortably because we represented his work and himself. They would fit me in this hot sweater vest, a pair khakis, and the shiniest dress shoes you have ever seen. I would look at everyone dressed in t-shirts, jeans, roughed chucks, and I would die a little. Because we were never put into coach/economy, we had to dress. Most of the time we were put into business class and on occasion first. Business class... I remember first walking through that piece of thin blue velvet; and looking at all.. All I saw were suited men and women, All I heard was the typing upon their keyboards and the occasional blue tooth man, and what I've smelled, might have been the strongest scent of black coffee. The flight attendants were always the nicest up there. They would give a tiny little glass of toasted nuts along with the beverage of you're choice. There was so much leg room, you didn't have to pass down the drink of the person next to you. They would just walk in front and set it down. They would hand you a hot towel and ask what you wanted to eat in the next hour.
I miss that, I miss them, I miss flying. With the economy these days, we haven't been able to do anything. Before all of this, my dad would always say:

"Pick a place and let's fly there."

He's not saying that anymore, and right now, that's exactly what I want to do. I need to get out of here. I need to get up there, look at the flight board, close my eyes, and point. Any single one, and just go.

"All the things you probably hate about travelling -the recycled air, the artificial lighting, the digital juice dispensers, the cheap sushi- are warm reminders that I'm home"
—George Clooney (Up in the Air)

explain to me what love is..

hmm.. today, I'm pretty sure I have nothing to talk about... I learned a few new things today, which was nice. The world is changing, and I like it;;
1 Corinthians 13:4-6— 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

hmm yeah, that's it I think.. alright its 0042, night.

"I'm just some doodah pudknocker from Pocatello. They ship us here from Dork Island."
—Steve Sandvoss (Latter Days)

"Could be worse, could be raining."

"Do you ever read the Sunday comics? Well, when I was a little kid, I use to put my nose right up to them. And I was just amazed because it looked like this mass of dots, and none of it made sense until I pulled back. Life looks like that mass of dots to me sometimes. None of it makes any sense, but I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this -make sense. It's not just dots. Instead we're all connected, and it's beautiful and funny and good. This close we can't expect it to make sense, not right now."
—Steve Sandvoss (Latter Days)

That is an amazing line, from an amazing movie. The movie was so good, I saw it twice in the same day. I stumbled upon this movie this morning and I already know most of the dialogue; I can quote most of the lines. It's actually kinda pathetic. And I think I might also have another favorite actor to add to the list of favorite actors that doesn't exist.. I need to stop watching this homosexual movies, It's filling up my Netflix with things my virgin family cannot withstand.. Well I might be back.. Don't think I'm going to be sleeping anytime soon.

"I believe Ann Margret has never been given her due as an actress."
—Wes Ramsey (Latter Days)

Life through my eyes

I have decided that I'm going to take a picture everyday and post it onto my blogs. I mean I've been posting my pictures since the third entry, but now they're going to be from that exact day. So you know how I'm feeling and what kind of picture taking mood I'm in. Well anyway, it's time for the usual;; I couldn't stop thinking of you today.. Of all the times that I'm not with you, from the day after we met.. to today, today might be on the "top ten list" of missing you the most.. Sometimes I wish that time would go faster, just so I can understand how or what you and I are going to become, if we are to become anything at all. I know I've said in my previous entry that I wish things would slow down, I'm not trying to contradict myself, but I just need to get out of this town; We just need to get out of this town. The only reason that I'm still liking it is because of my friends.. because of my family.. Because of you.. You're the reason why I can still bare this town, city, place.. As soon as that last bell rings, me and you. You and I, have to get out of here. knowing that you would still be here, I can't leave now; that would be just too hard. I can't stand this town anymore. I'm probably getting really annoying... So I'll stop; ..Sorry. It's about 2ε45 > So I'm going to head out, see you then. night.

"I've been crazy about you ever since you lit the candles. You were the wish."
—Timothy Olyphant (The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy)

"Now, the party don't start 'til I walk in..."

Who am I kidding? I don't party; I sit here and blog about problems that aren't even that bad. But I make them seem bad because I tend to over think everything. While everyone is out on a Friday night, I sit here and type out stories, scenarios, and exaggerations about my life; To people who pretty much don't exist. Well anyway, I said I would be back. So I'm back. It is now 2307 and about a 3 hours ago I went on a photography run and took this nice snap of the moon. I'm quite proud of it. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, I feel like I'm expecting a call from ______ but I dunno if were doing anything. If we do, we'll probably just chill and watch a couple of movies. I dunno, the future's always fluctuating..

I still can't get over the fact at how good "Brokeback Mountain" was.. Yes, it was very homosexual, but that's not the point. People don't understand that it's so much more than a "gay cowboy" movie. The dialogue, screenplay, storyline, even the actors were brilliant. Some people just need to open their eyes a little more. oh well. I might be back... depending on if I can sleep or not. hmm.

“Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!”
—Leonardo DaVinci

"A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow"

Alright this is just a quick post but I just wanted to let you know what I'm probably doing today. I had nothing else to do. its 1443 and I'll probably take a nap in a bit. Then I might go on a photography run; and after that, depending on how active my family is, We might go see a movie or something..

Spring break 2010 is starting off alright. It could be a lot better; but hey, I've only spend 1 or 2 hours of it. Let's hope ______ calls, maybe we'll get together or something. yeah that would be nice. okay, well I'm pretty sure I'll be back again later today, so until then.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
—Author Unknown

"There ain't never enough time, never enough..."

hmm... I love you.

So again, as always I really don't know what to say. But what I can say is that... I miss you; and you're all that I can think about. I want to know what our future is going to be like;; If were going to stay close, if we'll go our own ways, if we visit each other occasionally just to be with one another. My future The future, is pretty much my number one fear. well no strike that; it's not, but it sure is up there. Becoming distant with you is one of the last things that I want to happen between us...

Well anyway, Spring break is one day away, and I just tried to change the subject to lighten the reading for whoever is reading this, but sorry, I can't stop thinking of 'em. So I'm going to keep ranting. So yeah.. spring break, I want to spend it with you. We should do something that we both can enjoy, but truthfully I'm willing to do anything that you like, because just being with you is what I like. hmm.. well I got some of that off my chest, but don't worry, there's plenty more..

"Tell you what... truth is, sometimes I miss you so bad I can hardly stand it... "
—Jake Gyllenhaal (Brokeback Mountain)

Dear ______,

Dear ______,

I would just like you to know, that I love you. I don't know if you love me like that; or at least to that extent. I know you love me. Everything about you is perfect. I know that the word "perfect" doesn't really even exist, but I really mean it when I say you're perfect. I also know that the word "love" is also over used and again doesn't mean anything anymore, but it's truthfully the only word that I can use to describe my feelings towards you. I know I sound like a little girl, or that this is just pretty sappy but it's alright. And I don't know how you would take this, if you ever would read it, but yeah, I felt it needed to be said.

—N

who needs belonging anyway?

Just a short blog today, only because I don't really know what to talk about. I can honestly say that I haven't over reacted yet, or at least it doesn't feel like I have. Spring break is next week, Finals;; Thursday and Friday, probably doing something this weekend. Looking forward to spring break? ehh.. I want to say yes, but it depends on who I'm going to be with. It's 2158 and I should probably go to bed soon. I've noticed that I haven't been sleeping well at all, or I have but only the 5 hours before I have to wake up. I don't know whats wrong with me. A lot on your mind? again? yeah, but it's easing. I'm getting a lot closer to ______, so I don't have to worry so much. It's kinda nice, It's actually really nice. It gives me a sense of belonging, something I've been thriving for; for a while now.

"The older you get, the fewer things you really love. And by the time you get to my age, maybe it's only one or two things.......With me, I think it's one."
—Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker)

ring ring ring!

So I'm blogging a little earlier than usual, only because I feel the need to do something in a bit :] I've noticed that I have been over reacting, but I know I'm going to say this now, and probably over react again tomorrow, or later on tonight. So I apologize to the one whom I've been over reacting about. You probably don't even know who you are, or that this even exists. But it's alright I don't expect you look or even read this. haha Alright I'm gonna head out, I've got a phone call to make. :]

I don't know.

So I really don't know what to blog about, I have things in mind, but I'll save that for when I have an appropriate picture. I've got so much on my mind right now, that it's so hard to look forward to the future. Especially when you don't know whats happening next. I guess if I want something to happen, I better try to make it work. Hopefully, things will move smoother than what I have planned. Well look at that.. I guess I did have something to rant about. I guess it wasn't a bad idea to just talk about everything. From now on, all of the pictures you see are to be taken by me, unless posted otherwise. Well until tomorrow, night.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
—Gandhi

"In Midnight Sleep."

So today, I finally figured out how to open my shutter on my D60. So I had an entertaining day drawing with light. Everyday passes faster and faster, and the faster it passes the more I feel like I'm losing everything.. No, my life doesn't suck, It's just going too fast, and I know that I'm really missing out on things that, truthfully, I'm afraid to look forward to. Almost senior year... Everyone still likes me, hopefully. Thinking about this documentary everyday. Well its 00:55 and I should probably head to bed soon. I just got to think about everything, and if I'm feeling comfortable with who I am. So I'll leave you with a poem by Walt Whitman.. Night.

IN midnight sleep, of many a face of anguish,
Of the look at first of the mortally wounded—of that indescribable look;
Of the dead on their backs, with arms extended wide,
I dream, I dream, I dream.
Of scenes of nature, fields and mountains;
Of skies, so beauteous after a storm—and at night the moon so unearthly bright,
Shining sweetly, shining down, where we dig the trenches and gather the heaps,
I dream, I dream, I dream.
Long, long have they pass’d—faces and trenches and fields;
Where through the carnage I moved with a callous composure—or away from the fallen,
Onward I sped at the time—But now of their forms at night,

I dream, I dream, I dream.

Abraham Lincoln whaa?

So I started reading this for an independent novel, for English. I also noticed that Tim Burton was working on the same novel for a movie. Now at first me and my friend were talking about this like it was going to be a waste of film, and that we, again, were losing respect for Burton. But after starting the book, I've been hooked since the introduction. I personally like movies of the Documentary genre, and this book has so much actual information its like reading a documentary. Give me a few more days and I should have this down.

“What follows nearly ruined my life.
What follows, at last, is the truth”
- Seth Grahame-Smith


-Did you say Underland?

hmm.. what to say about Alice in Wonderland...
to make it simple, I didn't like it. It is definitely over hyped, and truthfully it didn't live up to the name. That name was.. Tim Burton. Now don't get me wrong, I love Tim Burton; but I feel like I'm losing respect for him. The graphics were decent, the dialogue was alright, but the movie itself could be a lot better.

-Tim redeem yourself!

hmm...

So I've been meaning to start a blog of my life for quite some time now, so yeah. I guess it's about time I got started.