Reserving judgements is a matter of infinite hope

The writing type of 'The Great Gatsby' = The language similar to the way I blog.. The only difference is if you read Gatsby to a child under the age of 12, there is a possibility that the child would rather slit they're wrists under a faucet of hot running water. Well, they might want to do that if they read my blogs too.. hah. So yeah, not a long one today, I've been kinda losing my motivation to blog. But I've been having a little trouble with things, so I know I'll be back. I'll you updated. 2157 Thursday 4/22..

"Most of the confidences were unsought -- frequently I have feigned sleep, preoccupation or a hostile levity when I realized by some unmistakable sign that an intimate revelation was quivering on the horizon -- for the intimate revelations of young men or at least the terms in which they express them are usually plagiaristic and marred by obvious suppressions."
—The Great Gatsby

You do what you love, and fuck the rest.

This picture has nothing to do with what I'm talking about

Today went pretty well, didn't really do much. It's one of those days that don't really seem to matter to the future. Well I guess everything affects the future, and I can kinda see how what I did today, can affect tomorrow. It's not dramatic change, except for maybe in our relationship, but that's alright, because I know I'm going to pull through with it. I've learned that life is full of judgements, especially high school. It's just like a competition, If you didn't win, you're a loser. There is no second place in life, let alone high school. You're either good enough or you're not. There are the people who only look for perfection in other people, and then there are people who look beyond that, and actually do what they can to truly understand and accept you. Everyone has their secrets, and no one loves their past. But there isn't anything you can do but accept it. There are always going to be people who judge you for being you, and then there are your friends. The people who judge you; but at the same time they love every little aspect you offer. Those are the people who you won't forget, those are the people who stay with you forever, whether it's physically or psychologically. Be with them, not the people who like you because of what you have, but with the people who like you for what you offer. Yeah... That's pretty much it. 2223 Tuesday 4/20. Yeah. I don't smoke.

You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. You know, school, then college, then work, fuck that. And fuck the air force academy. If I wanna fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest.
—Paul Dano (Little Miss Sunshine)

We turn not older with years, but newer every day.

So today was my birthday :] It was pretty good for the most part, I can't really say that anything terrible happened. The worse thing that really happened today was that ______ kinda didn't remember. But they totally made up for it, so I forgive 'em! Yeah that's pretty much all I have to say. So yeah, in conclusion today was pretty damn good. Compared to every other day, it was brilliant. Alright it's about 2245 on Monday 4/19, and I'm out.

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
—Abraham Lincoln

I'm so good, I can make a weed look wanted.

Hello, just a quick blog today. I spent the whole day doing homework. I went downtown for a birthday lunch today, even though my birthdays tomorrow. Oh and yeah and my birthdays tomorrow; my only wish is that you actually remember. You tell me happy birthday and I'll be happy the rest of the day. Alright it's 2246. Time for me to go. Sunday 4/18.

“The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.”
—William Somerset Maugham

Introduce a little anarchy.

Today was just one of those 'yup..' days. Didn't really do much when I wasn't with ______. We had a good conversation, not as great as others but it was decent enough to be considered a moment. Well anyway, when I got home I pretty much crashed. Woke up, and watched The Dark Knight, brilliant movie.. and yeah It's just a bit past midnight so I'll let you be. Might be back, depending on sleep, as usual. 0006 Saturday 4/17.

"Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know... You know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all "part of the plan." But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds! Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos?It's fair!"
—Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)

Hello darkness, my old friend... I've come to talk with you again

Mr. HDJ was today, three words.. was a blast. A lot more people showed up than I expected. Since when was our school so musically talented? Well I got home like 15 minutes ago and it is now 2213. I'm about to go to bed so I'll keep you guys updated. I feel like a I need a little time to think about things. A few things actually. So until then.

“A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.”
—Oscar Wilde

it'll be worth talking about...

Alright, It's been becoming a little bit of a hassle remembering to blog, or at least thinking of something to blog about. I go through the whole day listening to everything everyone says, and I think to myself 'Oh I have to put that in my blog when I blog tonight...' Yeah... that never happens, Unless I feel it's really important or relevant to what I want to talk about. I've been feeling a bit lonely these past few days, I don't really know why. It might be because we don't talk as much as we used to. But I'm willing to change that tomorrow. Were going to have a great conversation, full of laughs, smiles, and just a hell of a good time. I don't really know what we'll talk about, but I know it'll be worth talking about it. We never really know how a conversations gonna turn out until you start it, right? Alright. 2206 Wednesday 4/14 Out.

"'A guy needs somebody-to be near him.' He whined, 'A guy goes nuts if he ain't got nobody.'"
—Crooks (Of Mice and Men)

you can't always get what you want..

I need to go on another photography run soon, I'm running low on pictures to post. Well anyway, I kinda really want to see you. We see each other everyday, I know, but I need some Nick/______ quality time. Just you and me. That would be really nice. We don't even have to do anything major; pop in a few movies and we'll be good; Because just being with you makes me feel like I'm actually worth more than I seem. Well it's about time to go, 2215 Tuesday 4/13.

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."
—Morrie Schwartz

40 days and counting.

40 more days of school. This year seems as though it flew by. Were going from 0 to 60 and there's still so many things we need to do. Were almost there guys. 40 days plus one more high school year. Can't wait to get out of this place. Come with me? Alright it's about time to hit the hay; maybe tomorrow till be some what more amusing. 2151 Monday 4/12. Out.

Freedom - to walk free and own no superior.
—Walt Whitman

"Conscience... that stuff can drive you nuts!"

Today was an 'ehh' kinda day. Didn't really do much. Homework, well 2 of the 3 planned, which is 2 of the 4 assigned. Discovered I have no self control, I get lonely easily, I text only about 5 or 6 of my hundreds of contacts. A few old friends randomly texted me today, it was nice. Good to catch up on things. I have things planned for next weekend, and the weekend after that, hopefully? I watched On the Waterfront for film crit. It was a pretty amazing film. Despite it being a tad slow, and pretty simple, I loved it. Some things just look better black and white. You know what would be awesome? To have a mental black and white visual filter, Being able to turn it on and off whenever you please. That would be sick! That and to be able to print screen with your mind, and then mentally send it to the Internet or like plug your brain in to your computer and download it... oh wait, that's getting a little creepy now... Awesome.

There will one day spring from the brain of science a machine or force so fearful in its potentialities, so absolutely terrifying, that even man, the fighter, who will dare torture and death in order to inflict torture and death, will be appalled, and so abandon war forever.
—Thomas A. Edison

A weed is no more than a flower in disguise.

Sunday 1015. I didn't blog last night, don't really know why.. Well anyway, I don't know what I'm doing today. Guess I'm just gonna chill? I dunno. Need to watch a few movies for film crit. Have to finish some chapter of, Of Mice and Men. Have to get The Great Gatsby, for english. Not going to do my Algebra. Alright, I'm hungry. I'll keep you updated.

“Plants are the young of the world, vessels of health and vigor; but they grope ever upward towards consciousness; the trees are imperfect men, and seem to bemoan their imprisonment, rooted in the ground.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

à quelque chose malheur est bon

'Every cloud has a silver lining'

It's the weekend. Its about 2243, I'm hungry, and I kinda feel bad. Going to my grandmas tomorrow, helping her with something? I dunno. Sorry Wes! But were hanging out soon! I promise. I think I'll go find something to do. I might be back, depending on if I find something to do. So I guess until then, then.

"Each second we live is a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that will never be again. And what do we teach our children? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel? You must work, we must all work, to make the world worthy of its children."
—Pablo Picasso

"Oh Captain, My Captain"

Yeah, I overreacted again. Or you read this and figured out who you are. If you did read it, read this. I love you. I know you're totally against being committed in high school; but something about you just feels right... Just a short one today, I'm off to bed. It's about 2205. Night.

"A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain. His hands reach out and choke me. And all the time he's mumbling. Mumbling truth. Truth like-like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold. You push it, stretch it, it'll never be enough. You kick at it, beat it, it'll never cover any of us. From the moment we enter crying to the moment we leave dying, it'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream"
—Ethan Hawke (Dead Poets Society)

Ashes to Ashes

Hey, I kinda feel like I've been annoying you. This might just be me; but just the vibes between me and you don't feel like they used to. Maybe it's just today, maybe we need some space, or maybe you've decided that you don't love me as much as I love you.
Can we talk about it?

I can be your parachute.

Will you be mine?

“A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth, with Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction”
—Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Deus ex machina... Our saviour.

"A storm is coming, Frank says

A storm that will swallow the children
And I will deliver them from the kingdom of pain
I will deliver the children back the their doorsteps And send the monsters back to the underground

I'll send them back to a place where no-one else can see them

Except for me

Because I am Donnie Darko."

I know this is going to sound weird, and maybe offensive, but sometimes I wish that I was mentally disturbed. I already sleep walk, I'm already messed up, so why the did He stop there right? I've always wondered if you're supposed to be conscious when sleep walking; I am, but it feels like I'm dreaming, and there isn't really anything I can do; Or at least that's what it feels like.. I think I need therapy, but maybe it's just a phase.. There could be something wrong with me, but maybe I'm just overreacting.. What's wrong with me?

"They say right when they flood the house and they tear it to shreds that... destruction is a form of creation, so the fact that they burn the money is ironic. They just want to see what happens when they tear the world apart. They want to change things."
—Jake Gyllenhaal (Donnie Darko)

"If anyone is getting raped in that van, it'll be a guy."

Ahh! I almost forgot to blog today, it's quite upsetting. Today was the start of 4th term; 9 more weeks until I'm a senior.. Film Criticism started today; one of the best classes ever, and now I'm totally looking forward to these last few weeks. Well it's raining, it's comforting, and well just nice. Alright it's 2156 and I need to start going to bed earlier, so I'm off. Until then.

"You don't know what it's like to be straight, OK? It's... awful.
—Michael Cera (Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist)

"He is risen; he is not here."

Happy Easter! :]
I said I would be back, and I'm back. Today was a typical Easter Sunday in my house. Family went to church, Lunch, some Wii Sports, Easter egg hunt, religious trivia, and chocolate strawberry's while painting Easter eggs. And yeah, I made some sick Easter eggs, I'm pretty proud;
well of 2 of the 3::

"This is the promise that He hath promised us, even eternal life."
—1 John 2:25

of course..

Of course the night that I say I'm going to blog in the middle of the night, I don't wake up or let alone dream..

I was awoken by the fire alarm, but that's kinda normal in my house.. My sisters can't cook. Which probably isn't safe because the day they actually set the house ablaze no one will really know because they do it too often. Oh well.. Its about 1023 on this fine Easter Morning. So I'm gonna head out before I waste my last day of break. I'll keep you guys updated.

Dear World..

Please stop being so amazingly good looking. I'm already having a hard enough time getting who I want. So please stop rubbing it in my face that I'm too much of a coward to see what it really feels like to have a relationship with someone. I would very much appreciate it if you could stop sending the most attractive people my way. But, you can start sending them back towards me when/if I know that the person I chose isn't the special someone designed for me. Thanks
-Nick.

Just something short. I haven't been able to sleep lately and I've had these crazy dreams, so I'm determined to blog when I wake up in the middle of the night.

Life's just a cloudy day

It's 0048 and I've been thinking about way too much. Sometimes I wish that life was easier, but if it were easy it wouldn't be life. But maybe it's just me. One day the world is going to change; I just hope I'm alive and well when it does. These things need to change soon and people need to learn to accept it.

Ugh.. I wish life was so much easier; but then again, I'm young. But I'm not that young.. hmm, senior year... I need to stop thinking, things will clear up. I know it will, Eventually. Let's hope it's sooner than later. Alright, I need more thinking time. Maybe I'll go sit in the dark, or maybe I'll go outside. It seems nice enough.

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."
—Norman Vincent Peale

'Coming out' is the new Heroine

So I've noticed that everyone seems to be coming out of the closet? Unless you can't say that saying you're bi is coming out. I guess its like standing in the door frame? I dunno, but I guess everyone is doing it.. I just noticed that I've been trying to write this blog for the past 2 hours. Alright I need something to talk about.. Summer of Senior year, I've decided that me and maybe a select few of people are just gonna get out...

Holy crap... Were almost seniors... Hold on let me think about this.. I need to post this, and then think about a second blog.. Things are going by really fast, and I can't decide if it's good or bad.

"If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: 'Hello. Can't work today, still queer.'"
—Robin Tyler